oddmoderator:

chchchcheckitouttt:

nerdyteaparty:

snorlaxatives:

happy annoy squidward day

Actually, Annoy Squidward Day is January 15th. Although the calendar doesn’t have the month written on it, if you continue to watch the episode, they’re competing for January’s Employee of the Month.

I’ve been waiting all year to reblog this

pissyrat:

adult baby files for divorce

abbf26:

TG: so

CG: SO

TG: boyfriends huh

CG: I THINK THAT IS INDEED THE HUMAN WORD FOR IT.

TG: i mean when you think about it technically

CG: OH BOY, HERE WE GO!!

TG: what the fuck is that meant to mean

CG: OH, IS IT NOT OBVIOUS? I FORGOT THAT I AM NOT PRESENTLY WITHIN THE ROOM WITH YOU, BUT REST ASSURED DAVE, IN MY INFINITE CONSIDERATE NATURE I WILL BE SO KIND AS TO PROVIDE STAGE DIRECTIONS! YOU SEE THE MOMENT YOU WROTE THE WORD “technically” I THREW MY ARMS UP IN EXAGERATED DISGUST AND THREW MYSELF BACKWARDS INTO MY CHAIR, THIS ACTION BEING SO STRONG THAT THE CHAIR FALLS BACKWARDS AND I SMASH MY SKULL OPEN ON THE FLOOR, DYING INSTANTLY.

TG: ok but why

TG: like

TG: all im saying is were probably not like technically boyfriends

TG: its probably more of a like

TG: fuck dude even lovers is like incredibly gay

CG: OH SO THE GAY IS THE PROBLEM.

TG: its nice to see that youve memorised my mantra

TG: and to think that for a moment there i thought that you had forgotten who i was like emotionally

CG: I THINK I MAY HAVE, STRIDER! YOU SEE NORMALLY YOU ARE SO KIND AS TO AT LEAST LUBE ME UP MENTALLY BEFORE GOING ONTO ONE OF YOUR FUCKING STUPID TIRADES. THE LEAST YOU WOULD GIVE ME WOULD BE A “hey dude”, PERHAPS A “what if”, AND OH DO I MISS THE DAYS WHERE I WOULD RECEIVE A LOVINGLY CRAFTED “would you find it weird if i said”! BUT THOSE DAYS HAVE APPARENTLY LEFT US, AS YOU AIM TO FUCK MY PAN AS RAW AS HUMANLY AND TROLL-LY AS POSSIBLE. WHY, DAVE? AM I NO LONGER THE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG TROLL YOU SAW ME AS BEFORE? HAVE I DEVOLVED INTO NOTHING MORE BUT THE EMOTIONAL WORKER ON THE STREET CORNER WHO YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE SOME DISGUSTING MENTAL FOREPLAY WITH FIRST?

TG: sorry dude i thought you knew from how i rolled up in my second hand ford fiesta

TG: painted red of course

CG: OF COURSE!

TG: as i lean out of the window, pushing my kids soccer uniform out of the way, and ask you if youre available for work

TG: of course i am, you say, what with no one else wanting to partake in what is honestly some s tier goods

CG: WHY THANK YOU.

TG: and i pop open the door

TG: of this piece of shit ford fiesta

TG: and drive you back to the 4 bedroom house i share with a husband i hate and havent emotionally bonded with in the last 8 years

TG: which just so happens to run in line with when he started his new job with this lusty secretary

CG: THE DRAMA! THE MYSTERY!

TG: and i lead you up to our bedroom

TG: no love has existed within these walls for years

TG: and you can kinda feel that about the room

CG: DO I WEEP IN AGONY?

TG: there may or may not be some weeping involved

TG: and i sit you on the bed

TG: i look you in the eye

TG: and i say to you

TG: i have problems with intimacy

TG: and as you go to change your pants because of the immediate emotional load you just blew

TG: i go to my kids room and juggle balls in my underwear like that dude does in heavy rain

CG: I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT DAVE! SOMEHOW YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO MAKE ME FEEL SO INTENSELY WHAT MY CHARACTER DOES. I MEAN JUST THEN FOR EXAMPLE I COULD ALMOST FEEL THE BILE RISE IN MY PROTEIN CHUTE, JUST AS I IMAGINE MY CHARACTER DID IN THIS FANTASY FROM WITNESSING SUCH A LOVELESS MARRIAGE! ONCE AGAIN YOU AMAZE ME BOTH WITH THE TALE YOU SO ARTFULLY CRAFTED, AND THE AMOUNT OF PURE BULLSHIT YOU CAN EXPEL FROM YOUR MOUTH AT RECORD SPEEDS PREVIOUSLY UNOBSERVED BY MAN.